i’m more than my boobs, dammit

the past (nearly) six months have been such a whirlwind – i had such high plans for this blog, and, well, yeah.  when i’m not up to my ears with work or babies, i can’t quite summon the desire to put butt to chair and fingers to keyboard.  but in the last few weeks we’ve had some big things, so i figured it’s time for an update.

in one day, we had our first cold (owain – turned into a nasty round of croup), our first roll over (beckett, tummy to back, multiple times) and our first teeth.  plural.   both owain, and both within an hour.  we never even knew owain was teething.  beckett has been teething badly for about a month, but no teeth are forthcoming.  poor kid.  owain never made a peep about it.  beckett will gnaw your finger for hours, but owain is still just a binky baby, preferring his pacifier over everything else.  about a month ago, owain gave me a nice “mama”, but it hasn’t repeated (no biggie, i’ll still take it!).

the other thing i wanted to sit down and write about is breastfeeding.  i don’t have time to do it justice, but it’s been a hell of an experience.  it’s hard enough to nurse with premies, then i wasn’t much good with a pump, then four weeks after they were born i had to have my gall bladder out, which meant dumping the milk from the surgery meds.  they’ve always had to have bottles because they needed the formula supplements, thanks to their prematurity and other issues, so they weren’t exactly primed to nurse, either.  we’ve been in and out of the lactation office, and they’ve been great and got us over a number of hurdles, but the hurdles just keep coming.  now, i have a nasty cold.  it’s in my sinuses, and i can’t (or won’t) take a decongestant because it could very easily dry up my already very low milk supply.  we only nurse once a day at best (and that’s when they’re not on a nursing strike) and then it’s frequently a matter of “wtf am i supposed to do with THIS?” or just plain old screaming as if i were torturing them.  owain has never comfort nursed in his life, and while beckett will comfort nurse, she’s even trailing off now.

it’s been heartbreaking.  i wanted to get to two years, or at least one.  i even was willing to settle for getting them through spring, past the cold season.  but now it’s looking like i’ll be lucky to hit the six-month mark which comes in a week.  no one has nursed for the last three days.  i’ll be shocked if there’s any milk there at all.  so when i called the lactation group yet again yesterday to see what i could take for this hellish cold before it puts me in the doctor’s office and lands me on prescription meds and antibiotics, they first gave me a few options, then did the over-the-phone version of a sit-down with me.  i had asked if i should get a pump to keep the supply up while the babies do their respective nursing strikes.  there was a brief silence, and then the rough news i didn’t want.  in the kindest way possible, the nurse told me that there’s a good chance that we were probably done if they didn’t come back on their own in time.  and then she told me what i needed to hear: that i need to give myself a break, that i’ve worked so hard for these babies and tried for so long to get them nursing and that i just need to cut myself some slack and acknowledge that it takes two to nurse (or three, in our case).

the silver lining?  as i was telling this to ed last night, he was standing in the kitchen holding owain, and beckett was in the play yard while i did dishes.  as i started crying, and finished my story, beckett started chattering.  at a break in my monologue, a perfectly beautiful tiny voice came up from the play yard, plain as day: “mehmeh!”

mehmeh.  that’s me, whether or not my boobs and their mouths can do this dance, i’m still the mehmeh.  and i feel anything but “meh” about that.

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big milestones!

yesterday, ed noticed that owain was watching his own hand.  this is a huge developmental milestone – he can now start to figure out how to grasp what he wants.  pretty cool!  (good thing neither of us wears our glasses at home!)  beckett is talking up a storm, and has mastered her Gs, Bs, and is throwing in a smattering of Ls.  when matthew was here a few weeks ago, she was repeating something that sounded like “AH-go!  AH-go!” which matthew decided was her version of “uncle”.  if so, she’s still asking for you, matt!

they both have started to pay close attention to singing, and owain especially loves to dance (in other words, ‘pick me up and dance and i’ll quit crying’.  he seems to like thelonius monk quite a bit.  the be-all-end-all of comfort is bouncing, though, and the level of bounce is somewhat startling, but hey, if that’s what they like, fine by me.  we’re all three going to have giant calves.

did i say “three”?  i did!  we have a nanny now (she started about a week and a half ago), and she’s performing miracles daily.  i started working about a week ago, and i’m working from home for a few weeks.  i did make a quick trek into the office last week for lunch, and everyone survived, so i guess we’re on our way to a routine.

i very nearly wound up in surgery for a third time this past week: intense pain led me to go in to the OB, who found a hemorrhagic cyst on my left ovary.  thankfully, it looks like it’ll run its own course with no harm.  cross your fingers.  (yeah, third.  the first was the c-section, the second was having my gall bladder out exactly four weeks after the birth.  lucky me.)

on a technical note, we’ve got the camcorder up and running, so once we figure out how on earth to get the video to a computer, i’ll post some.  (the software/driver does not work on my version of windows, so it’s all ed…)

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three months and counting!

first thing first:

on july 15th, 2010, ed and i (and about a dozen medical staff) welcomed into the world owain and beckett!

what a long, strange trip…

secondly, apologies to all for the lack of updates. as i’ve said before, facebook ate my blog. also, TWINS. the time it takes to get logged in, write something, proof it and post it, then check comments and so on, is about 15 times the length of free time i get in any single piece.

this past friday marked their three-month birthday (birthdays? i’m still sorting out the whole twins grammar thing), and they’ve more than doubled in weight (story needed: why weight gain is so important). they’ve started cooing and ‘talking’ to us, and they both have the biggest, most beautiful smiles you can possibly imagine. i take it back: you can’t possibly imagine how beautiful they are. they melt my heart and take my breath away many times each day.

there’s a birth story to be told (reminder: pink eye), then the story of the hospital stay (and car seats), and then the story of the first few weeks of three-hour feeding cycles, and then our pediatrician-sanctioned switch to four-hour cycles, and finally the release to let them sleep at night as long as they want. there’s the breast feeding saga, complete with mastitis and thrush, pumps, low supply, bad latches getting corrected, good nursers, and more low supply. there’s formula to discuss, stinky vitamins, medications, gas, and bottle sterilizers. also, my crisis of identity (reminder: ed calling me mommy) and frustration about going from full-time mom to working mom, and how tough it was to be home alone with them for 10 hours, then tag-teaming with ed for the other 14 hours. there’s the incredible tale of our nanny, my return to work, and ed’s ever-changing employment. there are thank you notes still to be sent, birth announcements that haven’t been finished, and a baby dresser that’s still not organized. and then there are the clothes that are outgrown seemingly after the first wash (or are they just shrinking?).

there’s also a prodigal of poop, pee, spit-up, and eye boogers; no shortage of screaming, crying, writhing, and squirming (from adults as well as babies); hours of walking, singing, bouncing, rocking, dancing, shushing, humming, swaddling, and massaging. we’ve had a noticeable lack of self-washing bottles, self-mixing formula, self-changing diapers, and sleep (though that last one is improving). we’ve gone through at least four brands of diapers, five brands of bottles, four types of breast pump flanges, and i don’t even know how many kinds of nipples (the bottle type, not the boob type).

at the end of the day, though, the only thing that matters is that we’ve got two wonderful, amazing, beautiful… actually, at the end of the day they’re usually tired and hungry and overloaded and screaming – so let me correct that to the beginning of the day.

take two: at the beginning of the day, we wake up with our two little people, and, with all four of us cozy in our bed, we start our day together. after we give them their morning bottle (bottles? twins grammar -argh), we get to enjoy their smiles and their antics, their cooing and chattering, bounce them and burp them (which is always good for at least one laugh) and cuddle them close, and i wouldn’t have it any other way.

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34w3d

well, we are definitely in the final stretch of this! no matter how you look at it, we’ve got no more than a month to go, give or take a few days.

we had another growth check yesterday, and bomar has topped 5lbs, and girmar is holding at just below 4lbs. her growth rate has dropped, but her activity level and blood flow are both still excellent, so it may just be that she’s hit her natural growth potential and isn’t going to get a whole lot bigger. if the drop was caused by a lack of performance from the placenta, we’d likley (but not definitely) see reduced activity and lessened blood flow, and since neither are present, we can leave her where she is. the balancing act here is that if she’s done growing inside, we could birth her and get her growing better outside where she’d have the benefit of medical care, but that’d mean birthing him, too, which would be a detriment to him. she’s not at risk, so there’s really no incentive to get them out at this point. so we watch and wait. there are no worries about her growth, it’s just a question of what’s the bigger benefit over all.

also had another NST (non-stress test), which caused a little bit of concern because bomar’s heart rate drops occasionally (very normal, and on its own not at all a big deal) and girmar’s heart rate didn’t go up enough with her activity (not a huge concern, either, but something to watch). so even though neither one of those things is independently worrisome, those two combined with the drop in growth prompted the perinatologist to send us over to labor and delivery for extended fetal monitoring. (i don’t know of a single twin mom who has made it through pregnancy without at least one “get thee to L&D” session, so we’re lucky to have gone this long without winding up in a room.)

over at the hospital, they hooked me up for another NST, and almost immediately said “oh, they’re both looking great – you’re fine”. but of course we had to stay for the full 2-3 hours and see the oncall doctor anyhow. when she came in, she agreed that they both looked great, but had some concerns about how many contractions i was having (the NST tracks contractions, too). i told her it was pretty normal for me, she did an exam, i passed, and we were sent home. so, much ado about nothing, but good that they are being vigilant.

the whole experience was a good one – we learned a lot. we had not brought my bag with us, so as soon as i get the last few things in it, it’ll live in the car. i hadn’t eaten before the appointment, since i figured we’d be done by 3 and i could grab something on the way home, and then they wouldn’t let me eat, so from now on i’ll eat before every appointment. it was a little chilly in the room for ed so he’ll have long pants in his bag. the only food is vending machine food (unless you’re a patient – they did let me have some jello), so ed will be bringing some snacks.

other recent adventures… heparin SUCKS. i’ve now had more than one bloodbath – one pretty impressive one that soaked a palm-sized part of a t-shirt, the pillow i put under my belly when i sleep, and the sheets, all within about 90 minutes, FROM AN INJECTION HOLE!!! how does that much blood even come out of that tiny of a hole? the shots hurt like a bitch, and we do them twice a day, and it’s a rare day when i don’t end up in tears from at least one of them, and usually both. in my quest for a tip or trick to make them easier, i ran across a number of websites for nurses which discuss this problem. if nurses are concerned about how much it hurts their patients, i guess i’m not being a baby. oh, and no tips or tricks we don’t already know – so basically i’m screwed. it’s hit the point where the amount of self-control needed to simply stand still while ed does the injection is rapidly approaching my breaking point. my will power is going to have to get stronger. (the shots get worse over time, since they hurt to start with and they also damage the area, so it’s more bruised and sensitive each day. fun stuff.)

we’ve now ordered/brought/inherited everything we will need right when the babies come home – we hope. still hemming and hahing about the organic mattresses and whether or not they’re worth the cost. we’ve hammered out some of the big questions, like cord blood banking. cool idea, but even our doctor recommended against it, since the tech is getting so good and the donor banking is so widespread that there’s a very high probability that you’ll find a match if you need one, and so there’s really no reason to do it unless you have a very good reason, such as one of the treatable diseases being in the immediate family (we do – non-hodgkins lymphoma as well as a tendency towards auto-immune stuff – but i’m not sure that’s enough to warrant it).

the diapers arrived last week – 170 diapers fills a drawer, and these are the tiny ones!

the babies are still both breech, and the way they’re situated i can’t imagine how bomar could possibly turn, so we’re pretty much guaranteed a c-section at this point. there’s a good chance they’ll wait for me to go into labor and then do it, but they’ll also probably give me an end date that they’ll just go ahead and get them out. we’ll see.

moving right along!

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technicalities

i’ve been scanning through the blog entries and being a little baffled at my constant dwelling in the technical. i know why this is the way it is – it’s no mystery – but i’d have thought that i’d get around it sooner than now. the reason i’ve latched onto the medical and scientific side of this is plain and simple: i’m a 5+year IVFer with four miscarriages (and an adoption attempt that ended in a miscarriage) on my record. wrapping my little brain around all of this is difficult, and publicly acknowledging how in love i already am with these two kiddos is just terrifying.

i am hugely emotionally involved in this, but letting that out into the world means it’s real, means that everyone knows, means that if something goes wrong i can’t reclaim my disbelief.

i have the perfect story to give you an idea of how the thought process works for someone who has been through what we’ve been through to get where we’ve got. i quilt, a lot, and i’ve made quilts for all of my immediate family over the last few years, and a few friends. i have not made quilts for our babies. up until about a month ago, i hadn’t even bought fabric for them. i knew i wanted to make them, but i couldn’t quite do it. ed and i were talking about this one evening a few months ago, when i was about 18-20 weeks along or so, and i said, “well, i guess i’m far enough along to start the baby quilts”. ed asked what i meant. i explained that i didn’t want to get started on that and then have something awful happen. then i thought for a second and added, “but i guess if this doesn’t work out, then at least we’d have something to bury.”

that is how the long-term IVFer mind works.*

i’ve held my breath while passing each date where i knew someone who had lost a pregnancy: most of the first trimester, 21 weeks, 7 months (that last one was IVF twins just like me). the first few trips to babies r’us felt like torture, because after the first round of IVF (where we had a bumpy, uncertain lead-in to what became a positive test) we stopped in there to price the larger stuff, and the very next day i started bleeding and we lost the pregnancy. no, i’m not so silly to believe that there was a cause and effect there, but it felt like we were jinxing things. this time around, each big purchase has been terrifying to me, as if we’re tempting fate more and more the further invested we become, and i refused to buy anything at all until we were firmly within the return policy period’s duration from our latest possible due date. the baby clothes we bought sat for over a month with the tags on, in the bag, just in case. i politely declined accepting hand-me-downs until i felt i couldn’t let them sit in katie’s garage any longer if i wanted to consider myself even remotely reasonable. nothing we’d bought came out of boxes until last week, and then only one thing was unpacked and assembled. my thinking was that if we lost the babies, i could just barely handle the return nonsense – but there was no way on earth i could handle having to sell the stuff and the more there was sitting around, visible, the more horrible it’d be.

but now, with the one little perpetual motion machine and the other larger perpetual hiccup machine constantly reminding me of their presence, i’m gradually settling in to belief. with myself, and with ed, i’m openly amused, enamoured, and enthralled with them both. they already have such personalities. they have routines, they’re predictable, they are individuals and yet – for another few weeks – they are part of me. but it’s taken me a while to let that guard down outside our little family. and when i did let it down, it was because they’ve given me no choice. how can you not laugh and smile when your belly is visibly jumping all over the place? it’s nothing i did – not due to any decision on my part – that has allowed me to start allowing myself the permission to be excited; it’s 100% them.

i still don’t talk to them, but i do dance with them, sing a bit, and i cuddle them. all three of us seem to like quite a bit of Bob Marley’s music, and when they push up against my belly, i can rub their backs. i got to watch one of them practice-breathing the other night: a small area on my belly was rising and falling rhythmically, faster than my breathing rate but steadily and gently. it was truly amazing to watch. thankfully, ed got to see it, too. not so thankfully, it happened while i was on the toilet, so i had to call him into the bathroom lest he miss it. it was totally worth the breach of protocol.

these two squirming, boxing, hiccuping little people have done more to change me in the last month than i can even say. most importantly, they’ve given me permission to let go of my wariness and accept the reality of our amazing situation, and to stop glancing backwards – mostly – at the losses and quit – again, mostly – preparing for another one. by being ever-present, insistent, and asking permission of no one before launching into a new gymnastics routine, they’ve forced me to change. before i can even look into their eyes, they’ve given me the shove – and kicks and punches – i needed to really let go and enjoy the astonishing, crazy, peculiar, and hysterical experience of being pregnant. how could i not be completely in love with them?

*as a side note, but a very important side note: ian’s comment reminded me how different IVF is for everyone. there’s no one typical experience of it, just as there’s no one typical IVF cycle (and any doctor who tells you there is is either new or lying). ed and i now know quite a few IVF couples (and a couple IVF individuals), and i can’t think of even one who would describe it in exactly the same way as we do, or as any of the others do.

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